watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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