I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
