i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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