4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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