I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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