She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
