1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
