Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
