i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
