Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
He did a backflip because drugs
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
