There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I need moral support for this bender
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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