Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
