Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
