Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
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