At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
