Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
