C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
