I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
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