even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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