Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
