I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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