I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Alive.
So much puke
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Your penis caused this!
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
