Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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