She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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