He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
