remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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