Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
