Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
