I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
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