I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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