I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
