remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
