if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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