He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
