everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
