Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
