He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
