You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
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