she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Randomize
