I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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