I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Of course I have a pirate flag
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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