I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
