i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
