Her vagina should come with caution tape.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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