I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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