i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
