That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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