she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
