I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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