I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
