the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
