just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
We left an ass print on the piano.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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